To catch up to date since the time that I stopped journaling, here’s where I stand: I met with the Plastic Surgeon, Dr. M. for an exam and to discuss reconstruction options should I decide to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM) with reconstruction. The Breast Surgeon Dr.F. didn’t want my answer about/if I going going that route until meeting with Dr. M.
It was not really necessary to have that consult before making my decision for a PBM though as it was a no-brainer for me. I refuse to live my life in fear of the disease and taking the gamble that I could outrun it and fail. It would kill me to know that I was aware of the risk and the chances yet sat back waiting for it to happen to me and waiting a bit too long and getting caught. (This is MY personal choice… it is an Individual Choice and each person knows what is right for them. I, am IN NO WAY criticizing or judging the choices of other people who are facing their own decisions… this is the choice and decision that’s best for me.)
My biggest decision was over which type of reconstruction procedure I wanted. I initially was attracted to the TRAM flap because it involved my own natural tissues and I am an “earthy-crunchy nature” type. However after looking into the possible side effects of severing my ab muscles and using them to form the breast I began to lean more towards the Chest Expanders/Implant option. I really value my ability to do yoga, kayak, bike ride, kickbox, run, etc. and the thought of having difficulty doing those things was too great of a risk for me. I have also had a back injury (from falling down a flight of stairs) and my lower back acts up if I’ve overdone it. Losing core muscle strength would not be the best choice for my back either.
Weighing all the pros and cons I decided to go forward with the Chest Expander/ Saline Implant reconstruction. I’m scheduled for surgery on February 26th,….twenty days from today.
Another major decision/hurdle was telling my children “the whole story” behind my October surgery, telling them about my upcoming surgery, and also explaining what it potentially means for them. It was difficult for me and I cried through the whole thing but made it through. DD cried. DS said he thought I was going to tell them that I had cancer so anything else was a relief. Both children will eventually be tested but there is no real hurry at this point.
I still haven’t told my father, in-laws or any extended family. I do need to talk to my dad very soon though, as well as DH’s parents. I’m sure that none of them will truly understand but I’ll do my best to explain it.
As far as how I’ve been feeling… let’s just put it this way. I haven’t slept more than a two hour stretch since those hot flashes and night sweats have started in October. Some days I go to work with bags under my eyes because I woke up every hour. It’s not so much waking up sweaty and hot, rather the fact that I’m wet, it’s winter, then I freeze and can’t get back to sleep because I’m curled in a ball trying to get warm. While the sweats are uncomfortable, it’s the chills that I can’t bear. I’ve had to toss my pillow because it was actually mildewed from being so wet. I guess I’m just one of those women who have intense, frequent flashes while some others have occasional ones.. gee thanks!
My new “uniform” is a sleeveless summer shirt and a winter cardigan during the day. I need to be able to take the cardigan off when I start dripping with sweat at work, then cover up when it’s over and I get cold. My closet is jammed because I have both seasons of clothes in there. I did make some room though, because I cannot wear regular sweaters or long sleeve shirts so I moved them into DD’s closet while she’s away at college.
I talked to my Gynecologist, Dr. B. about my hot flashes and she suggested increasing my Soy consumption and also mentioned something about anti-depressants to help.. NO WAY am I going that route!!! I don’t even like to take an aspirin if I can help it. I’m not taking a medication for something else to help with hot flashes.
Some women have success with Black Cohosh so I’ve been taking Remifemin, an herbal supplement for the past 3 months. I can’t honestly say if it works at all or not because I’m still in the same boat. I’ll know if it even took the edge off very soon though since as of yesterday I’m off it as part of my pre-op instructions.
I’m also not allowed to drink any green tea, chamomile tea or anything else of that sort until after surgery. Since I don’t take any medications, that will be my only pre-0p changes.
I’m a vegetarian, and since the new year have been trying to replace soy for dairy so I’m almost completely vegan at this point in terms of my diet. (Light soy milk in my coffee instead of cream, soy yogurt, vege cheese) Unbelievably, my weight has gone up and and I’m sporting a tire around my belly.. .lo and behold, common side effects of menopause, but it also could be due to the Black Cohosh. So, being off will also help me gauge what I’m like with nothing. If my weight drops and the hot flashes are still the same with or without it, I’ll go off it for good. (I never wanted to take it in the first place but was so desperate with no sleep that I was willing to try it.)
So here I stand… this is where I’m at and I’m taking one day at a time.
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